shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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