I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
