FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
