Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize