there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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