1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
