God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
