so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
