We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
