He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it was like eating out sand paper
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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