I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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