the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
