I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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