saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize