goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
