Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
