Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
