If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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