I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
