dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
