I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
