You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
