I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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