I swear she didn't look like that last week.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
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Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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