Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
