You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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