if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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