I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
