He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i drank out of a bidet.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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