i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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