it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
