i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Vodka?
Forever.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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