Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
