Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i think i just lost a toe
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
