Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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