Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
