Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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