so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
