Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
