ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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