I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
