just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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