he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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