....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
