Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
