i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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