Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
