I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
