Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
