Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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