I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
