she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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