if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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