I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
