so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
