I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize