1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
