I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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