got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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