he was CRYING into my vagina
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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