I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
