one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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