i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
