I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
