You work out of a Hotel?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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