I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
