This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
