Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
