Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
