i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
