i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she smelled like a LAN party
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
